• Amy

Letter to my Younger Self | Reflections at 25

Hello Friends! How are you? Can you believe I was 19 in that photo, why do I feel like I still look the same? I know it's been a minute since I wrote my last post but it is because I started working on the Self-ish World Youtube Channel. This is something I had been battling with, whether or not I should move forward with it. I got stuck in one dimensional thinking where I need to only do one thing and that was writing. It wasn't long before I started feeling like writing was a job and it was not giving me the same joy it was in the beginning. So I decided to explore making videos and if I didn't like it, I would know for sure that it wasn't for me.

A couple of weeks ago I turned 25 and some days before that I wrote the sweetest letter to my younger self. It was truly a healing experience, my inner child felt seen and heard. I encourage you to do it as well, it is therapeutic.

Letter to my Younger Self

Dear Amy,

Hi! How are you? It's me, almost 25 and I was reading some of the letters you sent me. I've been thinking a lot about my life at 25 and the things we expected. Do I feel 25? Well, for one I feel like I'm starting to look it, whatever that means. I've been thinking about how Karun got a cover on Forbes around her 25th birthday and how Ariana Grande had her top album or something. I don't know, I confuse the details but it was something huge. I'm a little surprised that I don't think of these things as discouraging but more of motivation. I was motivated to do something big by the time I was 25, I guess that's why last year I had this plan of how I'd have a book published by the time I was 25. At the beginning of the year 2020, I could feel myself rush to put a book together but I just never got to it. I have the title and the concept though but I feel like the book isn't ready to be written, so I'll wait. I'll take my time with it and trust Divine Timing.

When I think about all the great things you had visualized for us when we're older, I'm moved by the amount of faith you had. You had so much belief in us. I'm sorry I didn't believe you more. I'm sorry that I let fear and doubt get in the way for too long.

I am glad that we got lost because we found ourselves there. In the depth of our darkness, we found our light and in our hopelessness, hope was born. This is how we've grown into us.

We've found love, the one we thought prince charming would give us, we found it in us. And that love, although wobbly in the beginning, has been the driving force for all the decisions we've made. This love is what has pulled us out of bed when we didn't want to and pushed us in the direction of our dreams. A love that has helped us know that another woman's beauty is not the absence of our own. A love that has guided us out of unloving situations that we stayed in because of fear. A love that has reminded us to laugh, to enjoy life and to bask in our joy. This love has held us when we got lonely and wiped away our tears when we couldn't hold the sadness back. This love continues to remind us that we are safe, we are loved and protected.

We've struggled to find our place in this world, to find where we belong. I don't want to lie and say that we got over that. I do want to say that we need to keep showing up authentically. Don't try bend, fold or squeeze yourself to fit in. It's not worth it. Community has always been important to us and I think the best way to form community is by being who you are.

Sometimes I think its not what we're doing that amazes me but that we're doing it. A few years ago, we'd sit in the back and watch everyone go after their dreams claiming that the timing wasn't right. We have allowed ideas to take over us, we allow our dreams to become a reality. We are giving us a chance. And while we do not receive an external accolade for how much we've grown, I can tell you that there's confidence brewing in our bones. We will continue to live our dreams.

My visons for our future self are not as clear as yours were for me but I have this deep unwavering faith that everything is going to work out well. You can trust me with that.

Thank you for who you are. Thank you for your dreams, your ambitions; they have made me the person I am today.

I love you.

Amy (Almost 25)

I posted a video on some of the things I'm leaving behind, feel free to watch it here.

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