How to Get Over A Boy!
This post was inspired by Chidera Eggerue’s new book, I haven’t read the book but I’m looking forward to it. I started thinking of the boys I’ve dated and what I did to get over them. Honestly, I’m the type of person who breaks up with the person in my head months before I do the actual breaking up. I guess it gives me time to figure out if I really want to go through with the break up or work it out. So everything I’ve done below I did before a break up, which led me to the break up and thus helped me get over the boys.
There was a time I thought I was in love, the Nicholas Sparks kind of love. The love that doesn’t prepare you for heartbreak, just a rough patch in the middle. Nobody actually gets hurt, you just get your feathers ruffled and for me I thought it would be the small argument about him using his last bundles to update his Snapchat story instead of texting me. Lol! But heartbreak came for me and I took it the hardest. I withdrew from social engagements, I listened to sad music all day, I slept and wrote sad poetry. I felt like I was drowning and I needed fresh air. Going outside didn’t help, so I did what I thought was necessary. I pushed the agenda of leaving town for 6 weeks. To clarify, going away was still a plan even before we “broke up”. The need for fresh air just fueled my fire such that there was no way I was going to stay here. And that is how I landed in Morocco. I spent 6 weeks with amazing women who helped me heal my wounds. It was fate meeting these women, we were all running away from something but being in Morocco asked us to face what it was we were running away from.
Most times you don’t need to leave town, reading poetry will do. Reading Milk and Honey literally brought me back to life. Rupi nursed my wounds, she was gentle yet she made sure I got the point. I took screenshots of my favorite poems because I didn’t have a physical copy then and read those poems when I got weak.
Question: should you be friends with your ex? You can be, if you acknowledge the pain they caused you and you’re able to move on from it. Sit with the pain, make friends with it and let it go when its time, cause you can’t be mad forever. Then, you can form your new relationship from there, your new normal. Don’t be like me, I swept all my feelings under the rug because I was afraid that no one would know and appreciate me like he did? I stayed friends with my ex because I was scared to be lonely with the silent hopes that he would wake up to miss me. He didn’t and a lot of the emotions I swept away kept coming back and asking to be dealt with.
Which brings me to why releasing your emotions is necessary. A necessary stage after a break up. This ensures that you don’t have random triggers 3 years later. A great way to release your emotions is to allow them to be and let them pass. You’re mad, feel mad. You’re sad, feel it. And then when its served its purpose allow it to pass. I cry, I just let it out, then I write sad poetry and listen to sad songs. (You know the drill!)
As I deepen my spiritual practice, I learnt that as women, we store a lot of trauma in our wombs. This trauma can manifest as going through repetitive life cycles and dating the same kind of men. Have you ever read your previous journals and wondered how am I going through the same stuff 3 years later? Because I want that trauma out of there, I’ve been doing some healing work around my past relationships. I don’t want that stuff coming back to haunt me. This release looks a lot like sage cleanses, meditations and movement as medicine – dancing it out. Some other practices that have been recommended are speaking to your womb and asking what it needs and honoring my menstrual cycle. It’s really an expansive topic and I intend on writing posts on this topic. Stay tuned!
Dare I say it, remembering my value and knowing what I want has been the most effective way in helping me get over boys. Realizing that they weren’t what I wanted helped me move on. Instead of spending mind power reliving the relationship and how great we were, I take it as a lesson. We didn’t work out and we were never meant to work out. Sometimes I get memory flashes of times when I let my expectations slide, the days I blatantly disregarded a red flag and disguised it as orange. Then I remember the relationships served their purpose, they let me know what I want and what I don’t want. I guess this answers the question, would you get back together with an ex? No, It ended for a reason.
Knowing that I am the prize and people are lucky to be around me has helped as well. Not in a pompous way but in a way that communicates that I know my own value. I don’t fight for scrapes of love because I deserve someone who will adore me. Someone who is honest with me. Someone who has healed and done the work. Someone who is not afraid to be seen with me. Someone who will say it with their big chest that I am in fact their girlfriend. This is not to be confused with polished Instagram posts but its in the way they treat me, speak to me and speak about me when I’m not around. I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m not asking for too much, I’ve just been asking the wrong people.
That’s it, that’s how I’ve gotten over boys. How do you get over boys or girls? Let’s have a conversation.