2020: Hit or Miss? Lessons I've Learnt
I started 2020 starry eyed and hopeful for a year of change. The past two years had been quite difficult and I was looking forward to lifting my head from the water and taking a life-long deserving breath. I blessed 2020 my Blossom year; the year that I would fall back in love with life, open my heart, forgive and drop the baggage that had kept me in the same looping ride.
My vision for 2020 turned out a lot different than I had anticipated with lessons everyday reminding me the importance of taking care of my well-being. If I was to measure 2020’s success by the physical things I wanted to achieve, then I would instantly rule this year a write-off.
Gratefully, a lot of soul searching sessions helped me understand that 2020 really wasn’t about the destination but the journey.
Here are some of my favorite lessons from 2020;
Happiness is fleeting, focus on your joy.
When I was in High School, all I wanted to be was happy. I remember belting Leona Lewis’ Happy and feeling like the more I sang with my heart, then I would gladly be delivered from the unhappiness I was experiencing. Then I went to University I realized that my happiness could not sit still, whatever I equated to happiness was outside of myself; a partner, a car, a different Uni, getting good grades.
However it was my birthday that brought this lesson full circle for me. I don’t know what it is but birthdays are a big thing for me and I always have this feeling that on that day everyone in your life will join you for your Disney moment; you know birds singing, all towns’ people notice your glow and your loved ones ensure that you feel absolutely loved. I was painfully lonely this year, despite all the beautiful things that were done for me, I still couldn’t shake the feeling.
This year, the lesson came crystal clear, I needed to take care of myself first. I needed to be at peace with myself, appreciate, love and celebrate myself. This is what joy is, becoming at peace with your life such that whatever happens in the external world does not affect how you feel about your life.
Take care of your Needs
I’ve probably said this a million times but no lesson has rang clearer for me this year than this. I must have questioned myself several times trying to understand why I didn’t get the same consideration I gave people, spent hours crying from the pain of feeling not taken care off but I learnt. A lot of times we give subconsciously expecting that whoever we are giving to will extend the same courtesy, maybe they’ll understand that you want to receive too. The problem with this belief is that it reduces relationships to transaction and sets us up for disappointment, then we make conclusions that it doesn’t pay to be kind.
This year, I learnt that it doesn’t matter what people think and how people view me; my needs are most important to me. I need to take care of myself without leaving that in the hands of people who may not understand what I want, you know? When I know what my needs are then I’m in a better position to ask for support if I need it.
Is it Me?
Have you ever walked around with the plaguing feeling of trying to figure out why some things just don’t seem to work for you? It’s just everyone seems to be comfortable or to love what you don’t enjoy. And it’s very confusing.
This year, I questioned my work and the vibes I felt around other situations. A lot of situations felt wrong; I didn’t enjoy long hours, I didn’t enjoy having to stare at my screen every day, all things which have been described as normal made me feel like there was something wrong with me. Am I lazy? Why can’t I do this? Will I make it in the world?
So many questions that rattled my brain and then one day in the stillness, the answer came, it didn’t matter if people thrive in that environment or if other people love it, if you’re uncomfortable then its not for you sis. A fish and a bird do not thrive in the same environment because they were not made to live in the same conditions. Likewise, I learnt just because some people enjoy hustle culture and corporate life, doesn’t mean I was built for that as well.
Trust your vibes, they know what’s up!
Create Safe Spaces!
I’m very grateful for this lesson this year, honestly when I understood the importance of feeling safe in your relationships, it changed the game. I understood why I seemed so closed off to people in the past, why it took me ages to open up and why I was cold and stand-offish with some people. Drum roll please, It is because I didn’t feel safe.
Before I went out and made sure I felt safe in my relationships, I had to make sure I felt safe within myself. I stopped judging myself, I was kind to myself, I expressed all my feelings even the ones people say you “shouldn’t have”. And when I felt safe, I made sure that I was in relationships that made me feel safe and to create a space where the other person felt safe. The more I think about safety, the more I know relationships are less about being with people who are similar to you but being in spaces that even if they can’t understand why you’re crying, you still feel safe enough to cry.
Honestly, safety is such a big requirement for me these days because I learnt it allows you to be who you truly are!
It’s God when, not God anyone
Being a hopeless romantic, I have been pinning for my love story ever since I can remember. My eyes and heart have always been on the look-out for this great love story of mine and this has robbed me of so many precious moments because I was busy craning my neck to see where he would come from. On top of that it has drenched me with the pick-me vibe, the vibe where it doesn’t matter who it is as long as you’re chosen. And my friends, this is not a great way to start your Union Story.
This year, I cleaned up my act when it came to love by focusing on Sacred Union. I learnt that I didn’t just want to be with any man but with the man God had made for me. A man who I would evolve with, grow with, play with and create with.
Why am I sharing this? Because maybe there’s someone out there like me who has been accepting puddles of love when you are meant to swim in an ocean of love. Don’t lose sleep wondering when they will make it to you because it’s already set in motion, simply enjoy these moments of your life, prepare yourself for Union and seriously enjoy life.
Don’t bite more than you can Chew
Self-ish World recently turned one and I tell you, the first year of entrepreneurial motherhood is really a whirlwind. Take it one step at a time, don’t push your baby too much and of course stay grounded. These are all lessons I’ve had to repeat to myself throughout the year. Self-ish World is a really important part of my life and as is human nature 've had high expectations, I want the best and I’ve made plans but I learnt when you push without a grounded approach, you tend to end up floating with no sense of direction.
Strangely, with all the lessons and the disappointments, I would still call this the year that I blossomed or rather the year where I was just starting to bloom. I feel like with everything that happened this year, I’m off the hamster wheel and ready for my next adventure.
How was 2020 for you?